A thought on God’s goodness

Here’s a thought I had today after trying to figure out why people say “God is so good” only when things go as they’d hoped. It isn’t just that God only shows us his love to us when he brings about good things but rather, it is one way that he shows us his love–in his mercy. God is always good. As it is written, “the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

– Job 1: 20-21 (KJV)

The Big Picture

There’s a difference between knowing a specific purpose God has chosen your for life and striving to have God mould your life into a specific purpose.

“I’m a present.”

I have felt it from nearly as early on as I can recall from the time of their births: my twins are the best presents I ever got. They are a gift from God and from my husband Todd.

Now that they are approaching age 3, they are getting to realize just how precious they are to me. That should be a good thing, right?

Many times Todd or I have said to our daughter, Zara, “you’re a cutie,” or “you’re a little stinker!” and in her toddler argumentative mode she disagrees and says, “no, I’m a present.”  She knows from what I’ve told her, she knows she is a gift. I have told her (and Roman) repeatedly. It’s just a fact that is so undeniable to me that I share it with them.

Yet I feel them manipulating that. How does one instill their value without giving them too much “power?” Essentially, I find myself asking, “How do I keep the most precious thing from me from knowing just how much power they have over my heart?” At the same time, I want them to know it. It’s a conundrum.

The Marrying Kind — part I

This isn’t so much for anyone who is already married but for people who are single or engaged or thinking about becoming engaged. I’ll be the first to admit it’s just my two-cents worth.

I’ve been married since May 2000, and I entered it the way most people do–for life. Right?

In the first several years of being married there were times I thought I was going to die inside. I was in so much pain from not having my needs met that I didn’t know how I could make it 50 years in that state. It takes two to Tango, eh? And suffice it to say that my beloved was also suffering in similar ways for similar reasons. We communicated until there were no words. Fights lasted a long time (hours). But either to our credit or by the hand of God we chose in one another a partner that was willing to work very hard at learning how to find the channels of communication that did work since obviously the ones we were instinctively trying did not.

Does anyone research marriage before they get sucked into that “life long” commitment?  I can tell you that I did not! But what came to be very clear in short order was that unless I did see it as a “self-improvement project” rather than a “spouse-improvement project” then the marriage wasn’t going to work and maybe not even last.

When they get engaged, most people are coerced into taking or they run to the nearest premarital “counseling” classes they can find. But does that really count as research? Even the best premarital programs are ones of self-discovery and a bit of “too little too late” in my opinion. Most of what’s in those programs should be advertised to singles! The people who haven’t already put 50K into the wedding. I’m sure it happens but I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s attended one of these lovey-dovey conferences and decided that they just aren’t right for one another.

How about this: does anyone approach marriage as a self-improvement project? Not that we should enter it solely for that purpose or as martyrs for a cause, but whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not there are few of us who actually enter marriage with no expectation of change from the other person. Or with no conditions.

If we do admit that there are conditions in our relationship then they are easily defensible I suppose? Below I present some cryptic scenarios. They’re over-simplified to be sure but it isn’t a stretch to surmise that any of these could lead to the kind of conflict that precipitates divorce. In truth they all have been part of the core cause that led to marriages I have personally known to fall apart.

“He makes me feel so good about myself.”
Unspoken condition: “As long as he makes me feel good about myself and pays attention to me I will stay with him.”

“She needs me.”
Unspoken condition: “I need to be needed so as long as she needs me I will stay with her.”

“I feel calm around him.”
Unspoken condition: “As long as that calm feeling continues and I don’t become frustrated by his lack of emotion I will stay with him.”

“She is so much fun.”
Unspoken condition: “As long as she doesn’t get overly involved with the rest of the world I will stay with her.”

“He draws me out.”
Unspoken condition: “As long as he doesn’t hit a long-term patch of depression I will stay with him.”

Now please allow me to state that it is unrealistic to think that there are no conditions in the commitment of marriage. The vow that marriage is can be broken in several ways, adultery being just the first most obvious one. For now I’d like to examine with you the conditions that are less dire–if we say them out loud it’s easier to hear the contrast. Part of the trick is to identify the conditions we have placed on our relationship. Once we identify them then we must decide how realistic they are and how able we are to live with those conditions not  being met.

I am the Jod-I

I am not the Jod-I Master but I am the Jod-I, seeing the world through my Jode’s Eye View. This blog will certainly represent those views!

I love to hear other people’s views and grow in my understanding of the world. I hope that this medium will lend itself richly to that cause. Please join in!

First on the roster (but not necessarily the most burning question of life)

I suppose you may be wondering who the Jodi-I Master is if I am not? More to come on that.